Choosing Friends


How and why do we choose our friends?  Most of us probably haven't given much thought to the answer to this question.  However, I'd like to suggest that it is one of the most important questions that we should consider, and so I'm devoting this blog to it.  

I recognise that for the majority of people, most of our friendships have been made already, but I also recognise that we all go through transformational seasons.  When this happens, our friendships should and usually do change as well.  My first thought would be that like-mindedness is a prerequisite for making friends.  This does not mean same-mindedness.  Only connecting with people that agree with you all the time is akin to cultish behaviour, but there needs to be a fundamental agreement of values.  To be able to choose friends on this basis, means that you need to be able to readily state your core values.  Knowing yourself well, is key to knowing others.

So, do you value truth-telling?  Then observing from a quietly safe distance which people in your network speak truth, and how they speak it is key to broadening your friendship circle.  Do you value longevity?  Then looking at the patterns of connection and re-connection with various people in your network is also key.  You would be surprised at how much another person's transformational season, has increased their compatibility with your new self (or not).  Friendships are key to our survival.  Delving into new ones requires caution if you want it to be meaningful.  Re-stoking long held ones requires discernment.  Either way, recognising the value that friendships bring to your life is wisdom, and remembering that you have the power to choose who to give yourself and your time to, is paramount. 💜

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